Chemo Finale

It's the night before my last treatment and while I should be asleep, I am doing everything but. I spent the day cleaning my house to try and reduce some of my anxiety (didn't work so well), rearranged my guest room, washed the baseboards, swept the porch, cleaned out my closet and even attempted to bake chocolate chip cookies (help Angie, I just can't make it happen!). This entire week has been rough (read full of tears) just thinking of what is to come. It is bittersweet knowing that its my last treatment and then I will have a break for 4 weeks, but still so dreadful knowing what to expect. Larry won't have to drag me from the bed, kicking and screaming in the morning but I am sure that I will not be in my grandest of moods. I will get to find out when I have my porta-cath removed and that will be a day worthy of celebration. That thing has been the source of many a tantrum and I can't wait to say good riddance to that evil little device! I am expecting next week to be much like the previous two and am prepared for little to no work and have Mom and Lar on stand-by as always.

I have seen many of you lately and continue to get the most incredible feedback about this blog. Some of you say "make it a book!" and others say "when are you going to update it?" and all I can say is how touched I am that so many of you come here to read my thoughts, rantings and overall silliness. This blog started as a way to keep my friends and family informed when I was not up to phone conversations but it has truly become something that is, in a way, healing for me. I enjoy writing and getting out what I am thinking, and I LOVE the comments from all of you. Some make me cry, others bring about giggles and all make me feel surrounded by so much love from the most incredible people. So thank you all again for coming to this crazy place in the sky to read about me, I am so thankful for your support.

Well, I think I am ready to face this last treatment with the biggest smile I can muster. I have struggled this week with the lack of control I feel I have on my life, but tomorrow I will wake up and be strong. I will eat breakfast and drink my coffee (that Larry so wonderfully makes for me), wear something cute so that I feel less like a patient and more like that vixen I was talking about ages ago, and go get my last dose of poison, I mean medicine. So wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts, cause that sure is a nice place to be.

Love.

~m