back to work

Today marks the end of my first week back to work. I woke up bright and early on Monday (cause Griffin rarely sleeps past 7:30 anyway) and got myself showered, dressed and fed. I was on my way out the door, had kissed my baby and my hubby and was feeling pretty good about it all. I closed the front door with coffee and work bag (recently cleaned out and filled with the neccessities) and realized I had forgotten my sunglasses. Opened the door and there they were. Hubby holding screaming baby, both still in their jammies. I quickly got that overwhelming sensation of being about to hurl your breakfast all over the place. Ever had that feeling? Well it lasted nearly all day and that is never a pleasant thing! I kissed baby and hubby again and hurled (myself, not my breakfast) back out the front door as quick as I could before I was forced (by the universe) to call my boss and quit my job to never leave my baby again. Once I got into the car and reached my first appointment of that day, I was starting to feel a bit better. As I mentioned earlier, the nausea didn't lift until later that afternoon, but as the morning wore on I started to feel like I was getting my groove back. So I know I'm not Stella and I ain't lookin for a man, but it was feeling good to use my brain again! After staff meeting I even patted myself on the back since I was still able to hold a conversation in sign language (I was sure I had lost that entirely). After I finally talked to Larry at roughly 12:47 (notice that exact time - I will explain that in a moment) I was able to relax a little and actually get some paper work done. I then called Angie (babysitter and Mom of the Year, ok maybe century) I was really doing better. 

So to expound now on that time above: Larry was taking G to meet Angie for the exchange Monday am for the first time and I was insanely nervous about that. I thought that every possible thing would go wrong including G screaming his bloody head off the entire way to Angie's (not a short drive) and her calling to say "Thanks for the first and last day of babysitting - I don't need the extra cash this bad" to which I would then have to call my boss and quit my job. Noticing a trend here? Well, Angie didn't call to say that and Larry reported that the exchange went well. Larry's report only came after I CALLED HIM TO ASK! Why is that in all caps you ask? Well it's that way because I remember asking him like 264 times to call me after the exchange for a full and detailed report and he doesn't call!!! Here is our conversation (12:47).

me: "well??!!?"
him: "well, what?"
me: (getting frantic now) "how did it go?!?!?"
him: "how did what go?"
me: (crazy now) Jeeeeeez Larry, how did the exchange goooooo!?!?!"
him: "oh, that. It went fine. he was great. didnt cry at all."
me: (to myself - I COULD JUST CHOKE YOU NOW!) "oh thankgoodnessiwassoworriedandhavefeltlikethrowingupalldayandcouldnoteatlunchortalktoanyone!"
him: "oh sorry didnt realize you were that worried. It was all good darling".

Were he not so sweet and wonderful I would have crawled through the phone and choked him. Ok, so the technology also is still not ready for that one, but I would have sure tried.

Alright so that sums of the first day. The rest of the week went pretty well. G cries a lot on the way home from Angie's but not too bad. I am sure he will just have to get used to that daily drive. Angie told me he does pretty well on the way to her house and if he starts to get upset then they just sing to him! How sweet is that!? Man, family babysitters are sure the way to go. It makes going back to work a whooooole lot easier.

Well, I did realize one thing this week. I am a better Mommy when I work. I missed my baby desperately and when I saw him it nearly made me cry. But I need that time to use my brain, and interact, and breathe. I have waivered on whether or not that makes me a terrible Momma or selfish or any other list of awful things and I have concluded that it doesn't. It makes me human. It makes me smart for knowing what I need so that I can give my baby what he needs. Goes back to that advice Jess gave me a few weeks ago: sometimes what is best for baby is what is best for Mommy. This is another one of those situations, I believe. It probably also helps that I get to stay at home with him three mornings a week so it really only feels like I am working part time anyway.   That said, I am ready for the second week of work to begin.  I like working, I like my job and for that I am grateful.  So til next time (or when I have my next nervous breakdown and come here to vent my frustrations)...

as always, thanks for listening.

~m.