A Great Day

Today was one of those days that makes your heart swell.

Have you had one of those days? Where you smile inside and out? At just about anything?

Well that was today. We went to Holly Hill, where my Grandparents live. It was my Grandfather's "Boppy" birthday this past Tuesday and almost the entire family drove down, over and up today to help him do some yard work. Boppy used to have the most beautiful yard. It is still quite nice but he began losing his sight about 10 years ago and he hasn't been able to work in the yard like he's used to for a number of years. We gathered this morning with our shovels and rakes, edgers and mowers, trimmers and gloves and went to work. And man did we work hard. All day. And when he got home Lar and I walked him around the house and described all the things we'd done and where all the pine straw was piled and which shrubs we'd trimmed or left. It was a wonderful thing to be with my family and to be doing something that was so appreciated.

As I worked around in the yard that day, I had little memories that came back to me here and there and my heart just swelled with love for my family.

I remember swinging as high as I could on the old, now rusted swing set with Boppy pushing my lightly as I screamed "higher Boppy, higher!!".

I remembered getting paid a nickel for picking up pine cones during the fall months. A nickel! (And just so you know, Boppy can't see much but he can tell if there are any dadgum pine cones in the yard!).

I remembered Boppy always asking us if we "wanted to go behind the woodshed" when we were acting up. I never had to go back there and I was sure afraid of what was back there. Even today, as I was loading garden tools back into that old shed I had a twinge of fear for what was behind it. It sits open in the yard and looks back onto the neighbors Camilias and Azaleas but I still won't wander back there.

After we all got cleaned up we went out for the world's best Barbeque (Anthony Bourdain agrees so it must be true). Riding there I was sitting in the back and Griffin was flirting with his Momma like the sweet little Angel he is. He loves Eskimo Kisses these days and he was smiling and giggling and melting my heart with each slight curl of his lips and little brush of his nose. I sometimes can't believe how much I love him.

It's the most amazing thing to love someone that much. And I am so grateful for him every day.

So grateful for every day that he makes my heart swell and my mind fill the sweetness of love. I am grateful for family and giving a great gift to someone who is always appreciative no matter what you are giving.

Love you Boppy and love you family. All of you.

~m.

The Cats Meow

Well seein' as how this blog began as a way for me to keep everyone posted on the cancer shmancer situation, I suppose I ought' ta tell you about my most recent scan. I am still having them every six months and they are still the bane of my existence. It seems that just about the time (approximately every 5 months and 3 weeks) I start relaxing and getting on with my new cancer-free life, LOW AND BEHOLD my electronic brain (cause I lost large chunks to chemo and even larger chunks to baby so nothin' sticks) dings to remind me it's time for another scan. And then I start to freak. Just a little, but freak I do.

This last scan was probably the worst in a while. I think waking up that morning and getting myself ready while my little man sat watching me, smiling and saying "cooo" and "guh guh" and giggling at Pharis made me scared. It made me scared for the what ifs. The what ifs, well, no need to go there today. It's no secret what the what ifs are. They are pretty simple. And right now life is simple and I like that much better than all those stinky, anxiety-producing what ifs.

I love waking up to a teeny, slobbery mouth attempting to eat my nose like some warm apple pie.

I love snuggling a sleeping baby in the rocking chair while he sighs without a care in the world.

I love watching a Daddy and His Boy giggle at one another with pure delight.

I DON'T love getting my blood drawn and my veins filled with 'dye' and my stomach filled with Barium Sulphate. Those things I do not love at all.

This particular morning I awoke, as I said above, with my panties in a real wad, if you will. I was not a happy girl and could hardly get myself showered, dressed and ready. I had not planned ahead. I had not asked anyone to go with me. I was scared shitless (sorry Mom). I thought I would be fine while getting the scan and Mom would meet me there for the results (thank Pete they don't make you wait ages and ages and tell you within a decent amount of time). But as I got into the car, I just couldn't do it. But I called Mom to formulate a plan of timing her arrival so she would miss the least amount of time from work - determined to be a big girl and 'handle it'. Well handle it I did not. I fell apart. I cried and sobbed and blubbered. And my Mom said "Shug, I am coming. Now. I will meet you there". And so then I cried some more. And arrived and my Momma was there. I was a lot less scared. A lot. She sat with me and waited on me and drank some coffee with me (when I was finally allowed to drink or eat!) and chatted while we waited for the new doc (Dr. M) to give us the news. Thank Pete for my Momma. No CLUE what I would do with out her. Momma - you are the bees knees. The cats pajamas. The BEST MOM IN THE WORLD.

All that said - the next thing was waiting for the new and buddy, that is torturous! But thankfully, as all of my post scans have been, it was clean. A little question that my OB is going to look at but other than that, we are all good. So now for 5 months and 3 weeks I can get back to being me. Cancer free me. Mom me. Wife me and all the me's there are. So I am gonna get on that. First step of this evening? Get my fanny in the bed. Thanks for listening.

~m.

Quickie

So I forgot how much I enjoy blogging. I realize I do that every time. I will blog and blog and come here and vent or scream or brag or whatever and then I will forget and abandon my poor blog for no good reason other than being lazy.

Well not tonight. I am waiting for the DVR to get a little ways into Grey's so I can avoid the commercials and find out who it is since it isn't George and I said to myself, "self, go blog real quick and complain about the numbskulls you dealt with today". So here I is. Gonna do some complaining for a hot minute until I can miss at least one commercial or so....

Today I went to talk with the Mother and boyfriend of a young lady I work with. She's got some issues and lord-a-mercy so do they. I was just awe struck at this Mother and what she DID NOT want for her child. Like for example, a HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION. Or the ability to get a decent job and take care of herself. I felt like crying, screaming and choking this woman all at the same time! It was truly appalling. I continue to be amazed at the human beings I encounter in this crazy line of work I have decided to make my career. I rode all the way home from Aiken today wondering how in the world I will continue to do this year after year or even day after day.

And then I thought of a little girl I work with now who is already making great strides in her life just from my helping the people in her life understand her needs a little better. And another kid who figured out how to see himself as someone who CAN instead of someone who CAN'T and he helped his football team score a touchdown for the first time ever! Things like that make day to day craziness and parents-who-need-not-have-ever-been-parents a little more tolerable. I know that tomorrow I can get up and start all over because there are good things in the world and good people and good food and good books and good music and good all around us. I caught myself saying in the car today "there is just so much wrong in the world". I hope everyone can find something to help them shake that feeling when it settles in and say, "but there is also so much right and beautiful and wonderful and yummy and delicious and loverly and fabulous.

Maybe my next blog will be me making a list of some of those wonderfully fabulous things. We'll see about that. For now, I am going to find out who the he$& is NOT GEORGE!!!

Love and smooches,

~m.

Holy Smokes!

It has been ages and ages since I last wrote a blog. What has been going on? Well I would imagine that you all have a good idea. Today Griffin is 7 months old and quite a wild man. He is sitting up and wanting very much to be crawling but can't quite figure it out yet. He is also trying to pull up on everything but hasn't got quite enough strength. He is giggling at everything though and there are times when the three of us sit around and laugh and laugh and laugh. There is nothing like it. Hearing those little giggles and watching him get so excited that he squeals with delight. I love it!

We went away this weekend for a short little getaway with the Choplin crew - PJ, Mary Coker and Elliot. A friend Laura joined us as well and fun was had by all. But there was one thing most amazing about this weekend. Perhaps amazing isn't the best word to use but I had such a wonderful time with my little one. I realized for possibly the hundredth time since he arrived, that he is my favorite person in the world. There were a few times this weekend when I just took him out for a walk so I could have him all to myself. He is so smiley these days and loves to hug his Momma. A few times he and I went to sit down stairs (where it was nice and cool as the upstairs was HOTT!!) and we just laughed and played and it was the best stuff ever. Being a Mom is more than I could have ever imagined. There are times when just looking at that little monkey makes my heart wrench and my eyes fill with tears. This weekend held a few of those moments and they were wonderful. Better than wonderful. They were spectacular. I can't wait to continue watching Griffin grow and change and learn and giggle some more. And those giggles... :)

Here are two pics from this weekend:

VACATION!!

Well its summer time and beach, here we come! We usually don't head to the beach until July when we head down with the family. I have been making that same trip for my entire life and the last 26 years to the same house. In the beginning my entire family was there, but we have grown so much we have to split the trip up with two weeks and only some of us go. One of these days (when someone wins the lottery or my brother becomes a rich doctor - which ever happens first) we (or he) will buy a house large enough for all 29 of us to come. That would be something, I tell ya. A house full of crazy's. Whew.

Anyway, this vacation is with Ju and Steven, our favorite people from down Charleston way. They have rented an amazing house in Clearwater Florida (a place I have never visited!!) and invited the three of us down. Now, I have watched my cousins, aunts, Mom and other peoples pack for beach trips with kids. I have noted they carried enough stuff to sustain them for what I thought was surely a month (it was a week or less) and sniggered. Well snigger I should not have. I have been packing for days and still don't have it all. Trying to make sure I will take everything little man needs is not an easy task. (Don't ask about our first trip out of town with him - the only thing I remembered to pack for myself was underwear. Had to get a new toothbrush when we got there!). The worst part is, the house has almost everything one could need for a baby excepting the baby himself. I'm talkin the swings, monitors, boppy's, bumbo's, excersaucers (I am not making up any of those things, btw - they are all necessary baby items, just ask Larry). Our car will still be filled to the brim with all make and model of baby entertainment.

So now that we have him all packed and ready to go (and hopefully will remember at least bathing suits and toothbrushes for ourselves) we will begin the 8 hour journey (if we are lucky) to get there. Mind you, Griffin's longest car trip has been to and from Seneca, SC which is about 5 hours total. He slept most of the way there (it was nap time) and all the way home (it was waaay past bedtime). The trip we are about to take will span across all of those except bed time. Man, I am sooooooo hoping he does not decide to scream bloody murder the entire way there. If he does, Ju and Steven may be babysitting when we arrive while we bury our heads in the sand. Ok, teasing about that last part. Sort of.

Anyway, I will be back sometime in the near future to update you all on how this road trip goes. We have toys, a DVD player with tons of Baby Einstein's and some They Might be Giants in the hopes that we can keep him occupied.  We. Shall. See.  Wish us luck!

Here's a lil pic of the cowboy himself.  Ain't he cute?

rainy day copy-cat

Well I'm off today and it's raining and Griff is sleeping so I am stealing Judi's quiz and doing it here.  I am bored and refusing to do the 4 loads of laundry that have piled up or unload the dishwasher and reload it or go clean the bathrooms.  So instead I am doing this quiz.  Yay for doing nothing!

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? we're lazy so they stay open.

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? definitely! I love them?

Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? In. Must be in. And must be neatly in.

Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Not alone but with friends. Is there a statute of limitations on that?

Do you like to use post-it notes?  Sure, as long as they stay sticky.  

Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Clip'em. Rarely remember to use'em.

Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Well I am deathly allergic to bees so guess either way I'm screwed. Maybe the bees would be less scary but more drawn out?

Do you have freckles? Only those kind you get from getting sun burned.

Do you always smile for pictures? Yes.

What is your biggest pet peeve? Gosh, I have so many!  Rudeness.

Do you ever count your steps when you walk? No.

Have you ever peed in the woods? Many times.

What about pooped in the woods? Yup.

Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Totally.

Do you chew your pens and pencils? I catch myself every now and then.

How many people have you slept with this week? Three (Mom and Griff count, right?)

What size is your bed? KING. LOVE my bed. (ditto Judi!)

What is your Song of the week? It's been "you are my sunshine" ever since Griffin was born.  I NEED A NEW SONG!

Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Sure.

Do you still watch cartoons? No, but I guess I will soon start!

Whats your least favorite movie? Any of those dumb movies.  Maybe it's Strange Wilderness? The worst of the worst!

Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Why would I share that?? (I am with you on this thought Judi)

What do you drink with dinner? Usually water.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Nothing. I like'em plain.

What is your favorite food? Mexican!

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Steel Magnolias, Legally Blonde (all of them), Breakfast Club, The Jerk.

Last person you kissed/kissed you? Griffin

Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Nope.

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Not any more.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? A letter? Gosh, ages.

Can you change the oil on a car? Probably could figure it out.  I've helped before.

Ever gotten a speeding ticket? When I was 16.

Ran out of gas? no

Favorite kind of sandwich?  A panini with turkey, brie, avocado and tomatoes.

Best thing to eat for breakfast? Hmmm, tie between huevos rancheros and eggs in a basket.

What is your usual bedtime? Sleep time? 10ish?

Are you lazy? Less so since bambino arrived, but yes.

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Dorothy from Wizard of Oz

What is your Chinese astrological sign? Horse?

How many languages can you speak? Two

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Reader's Digest.

Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos! (definitely!)

Are you stubborn? Ridiculously so.

Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Letterman

Ever watch soap operas? Not in years.

Afraid of heights? Nope.

Sing in the car? Always.

Dance in the shower? When I am awake enough, yes.

Dance in the car? Sometimes.

Ever used a gun? Once with my Dad when I was 12ish.

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I guess Easter, if Larry counts as a photographer.

Do you think musicals are cheesy? Usually, but I like them anyway.

Is Christmas stressful? No, it's the best.

Ever eat a pierogi? Yummm,  yes!

Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple is the only kind I like.

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Professional Roller Skater, News Anchor (possibly just anyone on TV) and Teacher.

Do you believe in ghosts?  yep.

Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Quite often.

Take a vitamin daily? Sometimes.

Wear slippers? Almost always.

Wear a bath robe? Usually only on two occasions: in the mountains and when G is screaming and I have to jump out of the shower with shampoo in my hair!

What do you wear to bed? T-shirt.

First concert? NKOTB baby.

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target all the way.

Nike or Adidas? New balance?

Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos! Both!

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts.

Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? NO?

Ever take dance lessons? When I was a little girl and I stunk! 

Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Umm, I'm married, so no?

Can you curl your tongue? Yep.

Ever won a spelling bee? I don't think so, I have always been a terrible speller.

Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Without a doubt.

Own any record albums? Quite a few.

Own a record player? I think it's around here somewhere.

Regularly burn incense? No.

Ever been in love? Right now!

Who would you like to see in concert? Gosh, where should I start; Coldplay, Patty Griffin Neil Diamond...

What was the last concert you saw? Bruce Spingsteen.

Hot tea or cold tea? Depends on my mood.

Sugar or snickerdoodles? Snickerdoodles.

Can you swim well? Not really.

Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Just finally mastered it this summer!

Are you patient? Sadly I am incredibly IMpatient.

DJ or band, at a wedding? Definitely the band.

Ever won a contest? When I was in highschool I won FISH tickets in a drawing, does that count?

Ever have plastic surgery? No

Which are better black or green olives? Green.

Can you knit or crochet? Both.

Best room for a fireplace?l Cozy den.

Do you want to get married? Already am.

Who was your HS crush? Lar - we've been dating since then!

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Larry would probably say sometimes.

Do you have kids? A baby boy.

What's your favorite color? Blue.

Do you miss anyone right now? Not at this moment.

Did you watch, Next Great American Band on FOX? Nope, don't do the reality shows.

Well, that was fun! Thanks for sharing Ju!

~m.

It's been a long time (relatively speaking) since I have thought about my chemo treatments. Really thought about them, anyway. Watching Grey's Anatomy tonight sent me back there. Certainly there were so many aspects of it all that were incredibly difficcult and painful but one more so than the rest by far. Losing my hair. Watching the end of the show tonight when Izzy started to tug at her hair and cry I had this rush of emotion come over me. I began to cry and continued to cry. I was flooded by the memory of the day when Larry shaved my head. Not the fun day with all my friends when we did mohawks and buzzed it, but the sad emotional day when he took it all off. It was just the two of us and I cried for hours I think. It was the most difficult day of my entire life and it was just hair! Watching again tonight as Alex removed her scarf and told her she was beautiful was gut wrentching. Is it completely bizarre that TV can do this to us? I have no idea, but it did. It's made me think again about how wonderful my family and friends were during that time and it's made me remember how hard that all was. I sent out the warmest thoughts I could send to all the people who are facing the same thing right now.  I am now more than one year with my new hair and nearly two years in remission (this November!) and a Mom. How amazing is that!?

~m.