Hello Hair!

And Hello Friends and Family! I have had numerous comments on my lack of attention to this blog. I must admit I was a tad concerned that you had all likely lost interest in reading this blog thingy especially now that I haven't much to say. But, I have been told that is not the case so here is a little update, a photo and some general Maryfo...

As of November 19th I was deemed Cancer free, treated and ready to get on with the rest of my life. I was cleared completely that day and told that all scans, bloodwork and the like showed no signs of cancer and no signs that we should continue treatments. I was quite thrilled if not emotional. I was happy to hear that news but somewhere in the back of my mind was nervous and unsure. I was not going to need to see a Dr until February when I am scheduled to have my next scans (those I will have every 3 months for 2 years, then every 6 months for 3 years and then once a year for the rest of my life). However, since that day I have had some discomfort in my chest around the area where they were radiating and it has yet to go away, so after much prodding and 'reminding' from Mom and Lar, I saw the Dr last Friday. He did a chest x-ray and did not see anything but thinks I am likely suffering from some inflammation and suggested I use some steroids for a few days and keep an eye on it. That did make me realize that I think I will most likely be even more hypochondriachal than before (if that's possible!) since every little thing makes me nervous! But I am sure that will go away with time. I will let you all know how that goes...

As for everything else, I have been working my little fanny off and trying to find some semblance of normalcy. I am still struggling with my memory and that is incredibly frustrating. Doc C told me I would eventually start getting some of that back but that it will never be quite what it was. I have been dealing with it as best I can. Larry helps me often and thank goodness everyone has been extremely patient with my constant forgetfulness. As for the hair, well you can see yourself that it has been coming back quite nicely. It is a good bit lighter than it was before and I have a few new cow-licks. But I have been telling everyone who asks that, as long as it comes back I could care LESS what it looks like. As long as it grows all over my head. :)

Larry and I are ready to start this new year and try to remember what it was like BC (before cancer) and maybe even get ready for some new additions to the family. But for now, we are just working on getting our life back. We continue to be so grateful for you all. I have decided to keep the blog (and try to be better about updating it every so often) until we are actually able to achieve those new additions and let you all know how that goes (meaning the eggs and all, not any more detailed than necessary as I have displayed enough of my life for public viewing-wink). So until then...thanks for reading and love to you all.

~m

I, just wanna celebrate!

Can you hear the music behind that? Well good! I am only one more treatment away from being finished with it all. I saw Doc C on Wednesday (I know, this is a little late) and he said "Officially" that all scans are clear, clean and sans any signs of the big "C". That being said, I got my passport out on Friday (WHEEEEEEEW) and after Monday's last radiation treatment, I don't have to see another cancer doctor until February 19th or something. That was the best news a girl could get! There is a small feeling of sadness however, weirdly enough, but I have come to feel sort of like family with all those people there at the office. I see them so regularly and talk with them so often, that not seeing them anymore kind of makes me nervous. I keep thinking does this mean that instantly I am supposed to feel normal and well and finished? Cause I really don't yet. It seems weird to think I will see no more doctors, yet I still have no hair, no period, no energy and numb fingertips. But, I know all those things will begin to subside (or come back as the case may be with a few) and my life will slowly return to normal. Yesterday was a great feeling though when they took that port out. I actually started to cry. As soon as he said, "alright, it's out!" the tears just started falling. The girls had to hand me a rag so I wouldn't cry all over the table! It was such a strange feeling, like I knew it has officially ended when my nemesis was removed!! I asked the doc if I could keep it (the most bizarre request I am sure he has had) and low and behold, he actually dropped it on the floor by accident into a bag and I found it on my way out the door! I have no earthly idea what I will do with it, but its mine. I might just stuff it in a drawer and never look at it again, or maybe I will make a necklace out of it. That made you cringe a little, didn't it? :) It just is the one tangible thing I have from this whole ordeal and it carries a huge meaning with it, as strange as it sounds. Anyway, me and my weird notions will move on to other news...

With life returning to normal (or as much as it can) Larry and I are so grateful for everything. We have been so supported through visits, emails, CARDS, and phone calls and could not have made it without all of it, without all of you. I am not sure I will know what to do with myself when this all ends, but at least I know I have the most incredible support group to call on. At least I hope you aren't all tired of hearing about Mary. Cause I just might need you a little while longer.

Love.

~m

Sorry!

I promised a post when I had details about scans and when I started radiation and dawg-on-it, if I didn't forget and just leave you all hanging. Sorry!

So here's the deal...radiation is a breeze! I had all my scans on Monday and although I have not had the official reading by the Radiologist yet, Dr. C scrolled through them with me and said he saw nothing! That means chemo is done and there is officially no more trace of Mona (except that small scar she left behind and the clamps, wires and staples). So Tuesday, I started the radiation and it is fast and so far no real side effects. I drive over to SCOA everyday at 2:30, change into a gown and about the time I get my heiney planted into a chair and have a decent magazine to look at, they call my name back. I lay on a table (pretty much like for an x-ray) and they line me up with those fancy blue sharpie marks I told you all about, and then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz they laser my front, move around to my back for about another 30 seconds, and that's it! It takes them longer to line me up than it does to actually laser me. So Monday thru Friday, I see my friends Sergio, Amanda and Kelly and a super nice little lady (she says she's 82, but I don't buy it) who is there with her daughter and that's it!

As for the side effects, I think I may have some psychosomatic one's including thinking that my throat is burning and that I am physically exhausted (that's what they told me to expect) but I think those may be attributed to my working all the time and allergies. So...as for now, I am just trying to get back to feeling like myself, watching my little bit of fuzz grow back and get this Lupron out of my system (that's the Menopause stuff that is supposed to be protecting my ovaries, but the only thing I am sure its doing is making me a crazy person with INSANE hot flashes). There is one upside, I have a new respect for all those women I see frantically fanning themselves! They say that should be out of my system about mid December. I am thinking that if that is not the case, people will suffer. Just teasing, kind of. Anyway, I am thinking that my last day of radiation is November 19th and then by Thanksgiving I should be all done!! Woooohooo! Hopefully they will have taken this stupid port out by then as well. I see Doc C again on the 14th and I am not leaving his office until he tells me when it comes out. See...there's that crazy person I told you about. You all thought I was kidding, didn't you?

Well, here is the update that I promised ages ago. Hope it was worth the wait. It sure was some good news and I am sorry I did not share it sooner. As for Lar and I, we are heading to a Halloween party tonight with some friends, so I must go get my costume together. Until next time...

Love.

~m

Chemo-cation

Well, Larry and I are sitting our lazy hieney's at the beach taking a much needed chemo-cation. Mom has a timeshare in North Myrtle and was kind enough to let Larry and I come down for a few days to rest and relax. You all know how much I love the beach and thankfully Larry shares that love with me. We have been doing absolutely nothing (except watching some rain, boo) eating sushi, since I couldn't eat that during chemo and watching movies. Yesterday we were able to sit on the beach and watch some kite surfers for a while and last night after eating a delish sushi dinner we sat more on the beach and just enjoyed the sand, smell, and sights. Sleeping late, yummy breakfasts and laziness is just what we both needed before the next part of our crazy cancer journey begins. We have been planning our Halloween costumes and what we will do when all this is over. Mostly what we have come up with is life as usual. We plan to continue going on doing what we always have done. Love each other and love life. It has been so nice to get out of town again and celebrate the fact that the worst is over and we almost have our lives back. Almost. Monday I have all my final scans and hopefully get the official last word that chemo is over and then get my port removed. YAY!! Then on Tuesday we start the actual radiation process. That happens for 15 sessions and I think I figured that November 19th I am done. That is just in time for Thanksgiving! What a time for thankfulness that will be. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday anyway, but I am sure looking forward to it more this year than any before.

Well, just wanted to give a quick update while I was here being lazy and relaxing. Thanks as always for reading and wanting to know what we are up to, we are deeply thankful for you all.

Love.

~m

Many thanks

Well - I had the best birthday yet, and it would not have been possible without all you wonderful folks. I received tons of cards and phone calls, emails, myspace messages and the like. And Saturday, Dad, Ang and all the kids came down and spent the afternoon with me which was fantastic. It was great to see them as always. Sunday, Jess, her mom Susan, my mom, Sam, Jen, Larry and lots of others, got together to throw me a wonderful birthday party. We had oysters, kabobs, bleu cheese dip, cake, beer, the whole nine yards. It was attended by my closest friends and family that lived near by and I just smiled all day. Susan let us use her fabulous new home and yard and there was bat gammon, horseshoes, fishing and lots of fun. The only time I can remember when I have felt more loved was the Yard Sale and that will likely never be trumped by anything. It is still simply amazing what lengths my friends and family will go to for me. Jess, Jen, Ash and Sam all got together (very sneakily) and made me the best gift a girl could ever ask for: a scrapbook of this last year (and a few pics from the waybackwhen) full of friends, wigs, baldness, parties, and everything in between. They spent so much time and effort making that book and its the most awesomest thing I have ever seen. I can look at it anytime I like and remember how loved I am. An incredible feeling that is, for sure. Thank you my fabulous friends and fam for the bestest party ever. I love you all.

In other Marynews, I had my scan today to measure the radiation area and I am scheduled to start that on the 30th. That's the day after my diagnostic scan, so hopefully I will then know for sure when they are to take this dumb porta-thing outta my arm. I have my tentative blue-sharpie-marker marks and will get the real-deal Holyfield things on the 29th when they do my simulation scan and make the molds and all that jazz. They did give me my schedule though, and everyday at 2:30 I will report to SCOA and get my laserbeams. After 15, then I am a free woman!!! I guess they will rescan after that, or something, but I will find out for sure and let you all know. Well that is the latest, so until something interesting happens...


Love.

~m

HOORAY...Birthday!

Ok, so I totally stole that one from the Red Stripe commercials cause I am getting really unoriginal. Anyway, today I returned from the dead or at least feeling like it and actually went to work, shopped (Chemo demands a little retail therapy every now and then), and had dinner with friends! It was totally amazing. After9 days of feeling worse than ever and three days of IV fluids, I am a new woman! I am still reeling from the impact that a little bag of water and salt can have on a girl. I will never doubt a good ole' bag lunch. ;)

I also had my radiation consult and that was full of great news to get a girl feeling better as well. I now only have 3 weeks, that's right 3, of radiation. Only 15 sessions/radiations/laser beam-doohicky-times to go!!!! How awesome! They also informed me that I will NOT have new uber-not-cool tattoos (Gank will be happy about that), CAN wear deodorant (everyone will be happy about that), CAN continue wearing jewelry and will only suffer from a few side effects. By the way, all of those are rumors that spread from Cancer Vixen to Cancer Vixen like wildfire! Those will be nothing like the monsters from the dreaded R-CHOP chemo aka The RED DEATH. I am not sure yet when all this lasering will commence, but I have a CT scan on Monday the 15th so Doc N (new radiation oncologist) can decide exactly where and what to laser beam. He will compare scans and plot out a territory being very careful to ensure my heart, lungs, breast tissue and spinal chord get as little radiation as possible. After the scan they will set me up for a "simulation day" where they actually lay me under the laser beam and mark out the spots. {Secret embedded message: I am sorry to say though Johnny that you and I will not have twin tattoos, and I certainly did not mean to imply that yours are uber not-cool, just that they would not be in line with the ones I already have. Fair?} Ok, end secret message. They actually are going to be using bright, blue sharpie marker with plastic stickers over it to make sure it doesn't wash away. How about that for some scientific stuff?! The amazing advancements they have made. Wonder how much that'll cost me. Oh, sorry, back to the story. After the sim day, I have a diagnostic scan on the 29th which will look and make sure that no more tumors or lumps or Mona's have grown back and then we will begin radiation. I think. I am actually not entirely sure about that timeline, but it sounds about right. I will update any changes as I get them. But for now, I am going to retire because I can hear (or read?) myself babbling and starting to get a little giddy - or punch drunk as my Momma loves to say. So goodnight my wonderful peoples and thank you again for letting me vent the other day and for encouraging me to get it all out. I sure do feel a lot better and that must be part of it. So for now...


Love.

~m

oh- and its my birthday in 3 days (hear me singing that). now you really know i am feeling better, don't cha? ;)

The blues

First, I want to thank all of you for your supporting comments, calls, hugs and love when I was at my lowest of low points. I have not quite crawled completely out of my hole, but nearly and thought I should let you all know. I do not remember feeling as sick as I was last week, EVER. I need not rehash the symptoms for you all but they are slowly fading. I went in yesterday for some IV fluids because I was apparently pretty dehydrated from being able to eat and drink only in small portions. They also gave me so IV nausea meds that finally didn't make me knocked out. I still feel as though I may have caught a bit of a stomach bug and can't seem to kick that either. This morning I am sipping some green tea and trying to get down half an english muffin and deciding whether I should go in for more fluids so that one day this week I can actually work!

About that - I was talking with Mom last night about the work ethic that we have instilled in us (her, my brother, myself). I know it came from her parents, which no doubt came from theirs and so on, and is something we see fading in society on the regular. Now, I know you don't come here for lectures on the evolution and downfall of society, but that's true. Anyway, sometimes it would be nice to not care. To not worry constantly if your coworkers are doing too much of your work, or if your boss thinks you are slacking off cause you have missed 349,097 days of work or that your clients surely cannot survive another day if you do not make your next appointment. Man, who knew that a good work ethic came hand in hand with the guilt of a Catholic? I sure didn't. But alas, I am home and going to stay home until I feel at least 50% better and at least can eat more than 5 bites of food and not immediately feel like that cobra who tried to eat the baby rhino. (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about: google).

Anyway, it is now 4 days until my birthday and I am a little more inclined to anticipate its arrival with excitement. I know you are all thrilled about that! Well - I am nearing the end of this blog and have managed less than half the tea and only about 3 bites of muffin and starting to feel slightly snake-ish, so I think I will retire this and talk to you all tomorrow. I have my consult and meeting with the new Cancer Doc and possible harbinger so I will let you all know how that goes. Until then, thanks again for being such incredible pillars of support. A cancer Vixen could never survive without her peeps. Fo sho'. :)

Love.

~m