Well, Larry and I are sitting our lazy hieney's at the beach taking a much needed chemo-cation. Mom has a timeshare in North Myrtle and was kind enough to let Larry and I come down for a few days to rest and relax. You all know how much I love the beach and thankfully Larry shares that love with me. We have been doing absolutely nothing (except watching some rain, boo) eating sushi, since I couldn't eat that during chemo and watching movies. Yesterday we were able to sit on the beach and watch some kite surfers for a while and last night after eating a delish sushi dinner we sat more on the beach and just enjoyed the sand, smell, and sights. Sleeping late, yummy breakfasts and laziness is just what we both needed before the next part of our crazy cancer journey begins. We have been planning our Halloween costumes and what we will do when all this is over. Mostly what we have come up with is life as usual. We plan to continue going on doing what we always have done. Love each other and love life. It has been so nice to get out of town again and celebrate the fact that the worst is over and we almost have our lives back. Almost. Monday I have all my final scans and hopefully get the official last word that chemo is over and then get my port removed. YAY!! Then on Tuesday we start the actual radiation process. That happens for 15 sessions and I think I figured that November 19th I am done. That is just in time for Thanksgiving! What a time for thankfulness that will be. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday anyway, but I am sure looking forward to it more this year than any before.
Well, just wanted to give a quick update while I was here being lazy and relaxing. Thanks as always for reading and wanting to know what we are up to, we are deeply thankful for you all.
Love.
~m
Friday, October 26, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Many thanks
Well - I had the best birthday yet, and it would not have been possible without all you wonderful folks. I received tons of cards and phone calls, emails, myspace messages and the like. And Saturday, Dad, Ang and all the kids came down and spent the afternoon with me which was fantastic. It was great to see them as always. Sunday, Jess, her mom Susan, my mom, Sam, Jen, Larry and lots of others, got together to throw me a wonderful birthday party. We had oysters, kabobs, bleu cheese dip, cake, beer, the whole nine yards. It was attended by my closest friends and family that lived near by and I just smiled all day. Susan let us use her fabulous new home and yard and there was bat gammon, horseshoes, fishing and lots of fun. The only time I can remember when I have felt more loved was the Yard Sale and that will likely never be trumped by anything. It is still simply amazing what lengths my friends and family will go to for me. Jess, Jen, Ash and Sam all got together (very sneakily) and made me the best gift a girl could ever ask for: a scrapbook of this last year (and a few pics from the waybackwhen) full of friends, wigs, baldness, parties, and everything in between. They spent so much time and effort making that book and its the most awesomest thing I have ever seen. I can look at it anytime I like and remember how loved I am. An incredible feeling that is, for sure. Thank you my fabulous friends and fam for the bestest party ever. I love you all.
In other Marynews, I had my scan today to measure the radiation area and I am scheduled to start that on the 30th. That's the day after my diagnostic scan, so hopefully I will then know for sure when they are to take this dumb porta-thing outta my arm. I have my tentative blue-sharpie-marker marks and will get the real-deal Holyfield things on the 29th when they do my simulation scan and make the molds and all that jazz. They did give me my schedule though, and everyday at 2:30 I will report to SCOA and get my laserbeams. After 15, then I am a free woman!!! I guess they will rescan after that, or something, but I will find out for sure and let you all know. Well that is the latest, so until something interesting happens...
Love.
~m
In other Marynews, I had my scan today to measure the radiation area and I am scheduled to start that on the 30th. That's the day after my diagnostic scan, so hopefully I will then know for sure when they are to take this dumb porta-thing outta my arm. I have my tentative blue-sharpie-marker marks and will get the real-deal Holyfield things on the 29th when they do my simulation scan and make the molds and all that jazz. They did give me my schedule though, and everyday at 2:30 I will report to SCOA and get my laserbeams. After 15, then I am a free woman!!! I guess they will rescan after that, or something, but I will find out for sure and let you all know. Well that is the latest, so until something interesting happens...
Love.
~m
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
HOORAY...Birthday!
Ok, so I totally stole that one from the Red Stripe commercials cause I am getting really unoriginal. Anyway, today I returned from the dead or at least feeling like it and actually went to work, shopped (Chemo demands a little retail therapy every now and then), and had dinner with friends! It was totally amazing. After9 days of feeling worse than ever and three days of IV fluids, I am a new woman! I am still reeling from the impact that a little bag of water and salt can have on a girl. I will never doubt a good ole' bag lunch. ;)
I also had my radiation consult and that was full of great news to get a girl feeling better as well. I now only have 3 weeks, that's right 3, of radiation. Only 15 sessions/radiations/laser beam-doohicky-times to go!!!! How awesome! They also informed me that I will NOT have new uber-not-cool tattoos (Gank will be happy about that), CAN wear deodorant (everyone will be happy about that), CAN continue wearing jewelry and will only suffer from a few side effects. By the way, all of those are rumors that spread from Cancer Vixen to Cancer Vixen like wildfire! Those will be nothing like the monsters from the dreaded R-CHOP chemo aka The RED DEATH. I am not sure yet when all this lasering will commence, but I have a CT scan on Monday the 15th so Doc N (new radiation oncologist) can decide exactly where and what to laser beam. He will compare scans and plot out a territory being very careful to ensure my heart, lungs, breast tissue and spinal chord get as little radiation as possible. After the scan they will set me up for a "simulation day" where they actually lay me under the laser beam and mark out the spots. {Secret embedded message: I am sorry to say though Johnny that you and I will not have twin tattoos, and I certainly did not mean to imply that yours are uber not-cool, just that they would not be in line with the ones I already have. Fair?} Ok, end secret message. They actually are going to be using bright, blue sharpie marker with plastic stickers over it to make sure it doesn't wash away. How about that for some scientific stuff?! The amazing advancements they have made. Wonder how much that'll cost me. Oh, sorry, back to the story. After the sim day, I have a diagnostic scan on the 29th which will look and make sure that no more tumors or lumps or Mona's have grown back and then we will begin radiation. I think. I am actually not entirely sure about that timeline, but it sounds about right. I will update any changes as I get them. But for now, I am going to retire because I can hear (or read?) myself babbling and starting to get a little giddy - or punch drunk as my Momma loves to say. So goodnight my wonderful peoples and thank you again for letting me vent the other day and for encouraging me to get it all out. I sure do feel a lot better and that must be part of it. So for now...
Love.
~m
oh- and its my birthday in 3 days (hear me singing that). now you really know i am feeling better, don't cha? ;)
I also had my radiation consult and that was full of great news to get a girl feeling better as well. I now only have 3 weeks, that's right 3, of radiation. Only 15 sessions/radiations/laser beam-doohicky-times to go!!!! How awesome! They also informed me that I will NOT have new uber-not-cool tattoos (Gank will be happy about that), CAN wear deodorant (everyone will be happy about that), CAN continue wearing jewelry and will only suffer from a few side effects. By the way, all of those are rumors that spread from Cancer Vixen to Cancer Vixen like wildfire! Those will be nothing like the monsters from the dreaded R-CHOP chemo aka The RED DEATH. I am not sure yet when all this lasering will commence, but I have a CT scan on Monday the 15th so Doc N (new radiation oncologist) can decide exactly where and what to laser beam. He will compare scans and plot out a territory being very careful to ensure my heart, lungs, breast tissue and spinal chord get as little radiation as possible. After the scan they will set me up for a "simulation day" where they actually lay me under the laser beam and mark out the spots. {Secret embedded message: I am sorry to say though Johnny that you and I will not have twin tattoos, and I certainly did not mean to imply that yours are uber not-cool, just that they would not be in line with the ones I already have. Fair?} Ok, end secret message. They actually are going to be using bright, blue sharpie marker with plastic stickers over it to make sure it doesn't wash away. How about that for some scientific stuff?! The amazing advancements they have made. Wonder how much that'll cost me. Oh, sorry, back to the story. After the sim day, I have a diagnostic scan on the 29th which will look and make sure that no more tumors or lumps or Mona's have grown back and then we will begin radiation. I think. I am actually not entirely sure about that timeline, but it sounds about right. I will update any changes as I get them. But for now, I am going to retire because I can hear (or read?) myself babbling and starting to get a little giddy - or punch drunk as my Momma loves to say. So goodnight my wonderful peoples and thank you again for letting me vent the other day and for encouraging me to get it all out. I sure do feel a lot better and that must be part of it. So for now...
Love.
~m
oh- and its my birthday in 3 days (hear me singing that). now you really know i am feeling better, don't cha? ;)
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The blues
First, I want to thank all of you for your supporting comments, calls, hugs and love when I was at my lowest of low points. I have not quite crawled completely out of my hole, but nearly and thought I should let you all know. I do not remember feeling as sick as I was last week, EVER. I need not rehash the symptoms for you all but they are slowly fading. I went in yesterday for some IV fluids because I was apparently pretty dehydrated from being able to eat and drink only in small portions. They also gave me so IV nausea meds that finally didn't make me knocked out. I still feel as though I may have caught a bit of a stomach bug and can't seem to kick that either. This morning I am sipping some green tea and trying to get down half an english muffin and deciding whether I should go in for more fluids so that one day this week I can actually work!
About that - I was talking with Mom last night about the work ethic that we have instilled in us (her, my brother, myself). I know it came from her parents, which no doubt came from theirs and so on, and is something we see fading in society on the regular. Now, I know you don't come here for lectures on the evolution and downfall of society, but that's true. Anyway, sometimes it would be nice to not care. To not worry constantly if your coworkers are doing too much of your work, or if your boss thinks you are slacking off cause you have missed 349,097 days of work or that your clients surely cannot survive another day if you do not make your next appointment. Man, who knew that a good work ethic came hand in hand with the guilt of a Catholic? I sure didn't. But alas, I am home and going to stay home until I feel at least 50% better and at least can eat more than 5 bites of food and not immediately feel like that cobra who tried to eat the baby rhino. (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about: google).
Anyway, it is now 4 days until my birthday and I am a little more inclined to anticipate its arrival with excitement. I know you are all thrilled about that! Well - I am nearing the end of this blog and have managed less than half the tea and only about 3 bites of muffin and starting to feel slightly snake-ish, so I think I will retire this and talk to you all tomorrow. I have my consult and meeting with the new Cancer Doc and possible harbinger so I will let you all know how that goes. Until then, thanks again for being such incredible pillars of support. A cancer Vixen could never survive without her peeps. Fo sho'. :)
Love.
~m
About that - I was talking with Mom last night about the work ethic that we have instilled in us (her, my brother, myself). I know it came from her parents, which no doubt came from theirs and so on, and is something we see fading in society on the regular. Now, I know you don't come here for lectures on the evolution and downfall of society, but that's true. Anyway, sometimes it would be nice to not care. To not worry constantly if your coworkers are doing too much of your work, or if your boss thinks you are slacking off cause you have missed 349,097 days of work or that your clients surely cannot survive another day if you do not make your next appointment. Man, who knew that a good work ethic came hand in hand with the guilt of a Catholic? I sure didn't. But alas, I am home and going to stay home until I feel at least 50% better and at least can eat more than 5 bites of food and not immediately feel like that cobra who tried to eat the baby rhino. (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about: google).
Anyway, it is now 4 days until my birthday and I am a little more inclined to anticipate its arrival with excitement. I know you are all thrilled about that! Well - I am nearing the end of this blog and have managed less than half the tea and only about 3 bites of muffin and starting to feel slightly snake-ish, so I think I will retire this and talk to you all tomorrow. I have my consult and meeting with the new Cancer Doc and possible harbinger so I will let you all know how that goes. Until then, thanks again for being such incredible pillars of support. A cancer Vixen could never survive without her peeps. Fo sho'. :)
Love.
~m
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Trouble
I stole that from a Ray LaMontange song title because it seems appropriate and I have been listening to him. I say trouble because that is how things feel lately. I cannot seem to kick this treatment and find myself still nauseous, still achy, still head hurting, and without taste buds or fingertips. I am saying trouble, because now I am feeling like trouble. Trouble to those who have to constantly ask if I am feeling better, do i need anything, am I ok. And I can't tell them anything positive yet. It is starting to get me upset. And that has not been a hard thing to do, if you all remember. Crying is quite an easy accomplishment with this cocktail they have me on, but this week, whew...even worse.
Wednesday I saw my family and that was one of the best days I have had in a while. I got hugs and had missed them so much it hurt. I cried when I left because I was so angry that I felt too ill to stay and visit. My grandfather said we looked like twins, and it made me smile so big (even though he has me beat) but when I had to leave him, I just cried. Most of them had not seen me since my new "hair-do" so it had been a while. I just wanted to stay and be around them, to feel better with my family, but damn the sick, just won't let me. It won't let me anything right now. I wouldn't let me enjoy the rest of Sam's surprise party. IT wouldn't let me have George and his friend in town for a visit, I won't let me eat the yummy egg and cheese sandwich I smell Larry cooking right now. It is just nothing but trouble. Big mean stinky trouble, and I have had enough. The worst part is, I can't make it different. I thought if I tried getting out and about, doing something fun, surely it would slowly dissipate and leave me be. Nope. Just gets me when I am stuck and have no car, or are 20 miles from home. Maybe if I go for a little walk, it will make these muscles not ache so much. Nope, just leaves me down the street with more aches and farther to get back home. Now my 29th birthday is just days away and there is nothing I desire less to happen than that. I usually LOVE birthdays. Normally - I would already be celebrating mine cause its my "birthday month". But I don't want it to come, don't want to be sick on my birthday. I know this isn't the blog you all are used to, but today I have just had enough. And needed to get it out. Thanks for listening and don't worry, none of you are trouble.
Love.
~m
Wednesday I saw my family and that was one of the best days I have had in a while. I got hugs and had missed them so much it hurt. I cried when I left because I was so angry that I felt too ill to stay and visit. My grandfather said we looked like twins, and it made me smile so big (even though he has me beat) but when I had to leave him, I just cried. Most of them had not seen me since my new "hair-do" so it had been a while. I just wanted to stay and be around them, to feel better with my family, but damn the sick, just won't let me. It won't let me anything right now. I wouldn't let me enjoy the rest of Sam's surprise party. IT wouldn't let me have George and his friend in town for a visit, I won't let me eat the yummy egg and cheese sandwich I smell Larry cooking right now. It is just nothing but trouble. Big mean stinky trouble, and I have had enough. The worst part is, I can't make it different. I thought if I tried getting out and about, doing something fun, surely it would slowly dissipate and leave me be. Nope. Just gets me when I am stuck and have no car, or are 20 miles from home. Maybe if I go for a little walk, it will make these muscles not ache so much. Nope, just leaves me down the street with more aches and farther to get back home. Now my 29th birthday is just days away and there is nothing I desire less to happen than that. I usually LOVE birthdays. Normally - I would already be celebrating mine cause its my "birthday month". But I don't want it to come, don't want to be sick on my birthday. I know this isn't the blog you all are used to, but today I have just had enough. And needed to get it out. Thanks for listening and don't worry, none of you are trouble.
Love.
~m
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Ugh, Ick, Ack, Blah...
Those are the best words I can think of to describe this last treatment. It began quite normally (I wore my cute new shoes and some make up and jeans) and then low and behold, about one third of the way through my first bag of stuff, I was as queasy as I can remember having been yet. It just would not go away, even after I tried to eat the Groucho's that LA and Emma brought, so they gave me some Fenergen (sp, huh?) and that just made me feel like a gigantic, drugged slab o' beef. I could hardly keep my eyes open and still felt nauseous. Finally about an hour before we were all finished, I woke up and low and behold my momma was there! That stuff sure did put me out! I was incredibly groggy the rest of the day and evening and still violently nauseous. Yesterday was exactly the same. Usually the day after treatment, I am doing OK and can get some work done or get up and about, but not yesterday. Larry had to come home to drive me for acupuncture and my miracle magnets, and while they helped some, I am STILL nauseous! Today, I have lost all my taste buds, fingertips are numb again (so please excuse any typos I don't happen to catch) and am all in all just plain cruddy feeling. I did have some of Angel's delish chocochip cookies last night before my taste buds died, so for that I am very grateful! I tried them again today, and while I still ate a few small ones, they tasted like nothing. Zip, zilch, zero. AGGGH!
Anyway, hopefully since the yuckies started so early this time, they will finish sooner as well! That would be great! Now for the updates you really want to know about:
Doc. C has scheduled me for my Radiation Consult on Oct 10, and then my next PET scan on the 29th. Then we will know whether this porta-crap, I mean cath can come out yet! That will be the definitive on whether I am officially done with chemo and ready for radiation. So keep your toes, fingers and tongues crossed on that one! And - I have some new baby hairs on my head! How about that? They look just like peach fuzz and are still trying to grow. Doc C says they may fall out after this treatment, but I am hoping like the dickens that they stay and keep on growing! I am waiting to see if they start curling (cross something on that one, too)!
So, with all that said, there leaves little else. I will continue to keep you guys posted on this dreadful week and last chemo and keep the comments coming. I LOVE THEM!!
Love.
~m
Anyway, hopefully since the yuckies started so early this time, they will finish sooner as well! That would be great! Now for the updates you really want to know about:
Doc. C has scheduled me for my Radiation Consult on Oct 10, and then my next PET scan on the 29th. Then we will know whether this porta-crap, I mean cath can come out yet! That will be the definitive on whether I am officially done with chemo and ready for radiation. So keep your toes, fingers and tongues crossed on that one! And - I have some new baby hairs on my head! How about that? They look just like peach fuzz and are still trying to grow. Doc C says they may fall out after this treatment, but I am hoping like the dickens that they stay and keep on growing! I am waiting to see if they start curling (cross something on that one, too)!
So, with all that said, there leaves little else. I will continue to keep you guys posted on this dreadful week and last chemo and keep the comments coming. I LOVE THEM!!
Love.
~m
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)